It might be age. It might be experience. It might just be that I’m getting better at not giving a damn. Whatever is the cause…I’ve found greater peace in living out the very truth of who I am without having to gain permission. Or offering up an explanation. Because that kind of thing is absurd. But I did it all the time. And I was miserable. I hated that I couldn’t make a decision without worrying what someone else was going to think. I hated that I couldn’t make a statement without thinking I might offend someone. And I hated that I was constantly seeking begging for approval from people that really didn’t matter. Because that kind of stuff doesn’t create peace. It creates anxiety. It causes self-doubt. Insecurity. Anguish. And for the love of Pete…unnecessary stress. So it was time to get out of my head; bid adieu to all the pressures that were keeping me contained and instead donkey-kick the lid off and set my true self free.
If you’ve been following for quite some time then you kind of know my mission to follow a dream and reveal a better version of myself. Part of that path has meant being more vulnerable, exposing deeper truths (to myself and to others) and being a bit more present. It’s still a work in progress but that’s just it…progress, not perfection. The key to feeling satisfied rather than stonewalled. A lot of our biggest road blocks in recognizing life strides are the lies and the excuses that we make up inside our own heads. And I don’t know about you but man oh man, have I always been good at getting stuck in my head. Like, winner winner chicken dinner. Right here. Queen. Of. It. All. But lately I’ve been reminded on so many occasions that it’s just not the best representation of who we really are and letting those delusive thoughts drive us really just means we’re doomed to find ourselves in the ditch. And I, for one, am over finding myself on the wayside of my very own torturous mind.
As I live the days of raising a near-teenager, I knew it was more important to stand up straight, model a confident sense of self [without being cocky], an authentic attitude and a heart full of truths. All while remaining humble, sensitive and not at all defensive. It’s hard work to maintain all of that with even ground. Especially when there are little people looking up. My son is one of my very favorite people on this earth. He bleeds so much of me in so many ways (good and bad) and I want him to know that falling to the pressures of the outside world can be entirely plaguing but are not at all who we really are. I didn’t grow up with anyone telling me to ignore the voice of the enemy who was feeding me with the lies of my very own self. And it boldly beat me down. So now I am making it a point to be that louder voice to my children. Letting them know that getting stuck inside our own head is a hard one to break-free from but that I will always be on this side, calling attention to the truth. Because finding the best version of yourself is freeing. And fulfilling.
To thine own self be true… –Shakespeare