I’m a wanderer. I don’t settle and I never ever really feel settled. My passionate and intentional search to find my place and purpose has brought me to one realization; I may never get to where I’m going because I don’t really know where that is. But at the very least, I’m not where I used to be.
I am almost always pursuing and waiting for the next best thing because I’m bound and determined to land exactly where I’m supposed to be. I constantly crave bigger and better. Because you can’t be wimpy out on the dream-seeking trail. Go big or go home. You might assume I’m an individual who is hard to please or question why I can’t be satisfied with what I have. But no, it’s not about pleasing. It’s about purpose. And it isn’t about what I have [or don’t have]. It’s about what I am. They say life is all about the journey and less about the destination. But what kind of journey lies without some kind of junction.
Two and a half years ago I was at a place where I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing [in life] but had some deep stirrings that led me to believe I had greater purpose than what I was doing. I was struggling hard with my depression and anxiety [maybe even some additional post-partum] and having an increasingly difficult time finding focus and stability. So with the support of my husband, I stepped away from my full-time role outside of the home and dedicated my time and energy into being a mom and a wife. And finding the better version of myself. Maybe a shift in focus would grant me the kind of discernment I thought I needed. It was going to be a new level of sacrifice and commitment, as a mother. But I was certain I could embrace the challenge while still trying to uncover the rest of my story. Some women find their ways through hobbies, sports, art, music or other personal interests. Me? I became a woman with an aspiring goal to write for an audience. I wanted to be able to give more time to my personal passion for words, with hopes that it might help me discover my place. Unfortunately, it has never been as focused as I’d like. Or as available as I’d want. Because family calls and mom/wife answers. I’m a pretty good mom/wife. But I want to be an even better human being. Someone that leaves this earth serving a powerful purpose that spreads beyond the four walls of our home.
My purpose is still a work in progress. After all, a quest for the perfect platform doesn’t come easy [for most]. It’s a trippy kind of path; one that’s been paved but still remains to be fully presented. The ground I’m covering is far from flat and foreseeable but it’s existent enough to allow me to forge my way ahead. It might mean accepting a new opportunity with temporary sacrifices. It might mean increased effort with decreased rest. It might mean saying no when I really want to say yes. And it just might mean bidding farewell to a comfort zone that I feel safe inside. Whatever it means, I will press on with my faithful pursuit because obedience is almost always rewarded.